Starting in the next few weeks, everyone I know will be having a baby. Okay, that's an exaggeration. Not everyone will be having a baby. Men can't give birth.But sometimes it sure feels like just about everyone I know is pregnant. I guess it makes sense to some extent. I did go to an awful lot of weddings over the past three years so a baby boom isn't entirely unexpected.
Still, I'm a bit overwhelmed by all of the pictures of nurseries and ultrasounds. To me, the ultrasound (or is it sonogram?) pictures are no different that those Magic Eye pictures from the 1990s. I couldn't make out anything in those either. Oh, yeah, I see it... that's the uh, uh, leg maybe?
I do feel the need to clarify the fact that I'm thrilled for all of my friends who are pregnant. While I don't pretend to relate to their excitement over weight gain, financial burdens, and lack of sleep, I really am happy for all of them. I can't believe how much these girls are beaming, even as they're puking on a regular basis. Clearly they're meant to be mothers and I'm not.
Often it feels harder to defend my choice not to have children than it would be to just get pregnant. It seems like nobody questions the decision of a married couple to reproduce, but somehow I'm defective as a human being by deciding that I don't wish to breed.
I can honestly say that I've never felt the urge to have a baby. People say I'll change my mind, and I can't discount that because I don't know what the future will bring, but I've never felt as though I'm that talented or important to create a life in my own image. (Perhaps if I had the ability to birth a litter of puppies, I might feel differently.)
Some of my reasons for not wanting children are more noble than others. First, I would never want to pass along my cancer genes to anyone. I would feel like the most irresponsible person in the world if I brought a child into this world knowing that there was a chance they'd have to deal with the health issues I have.
But aside from that, I'm really just a selfish person. I don't want to give up the time I have to sleep, relax, travel, etc. I also don't want to give up the money.
I'm grateful that my husband is so supportive of my view. While he'd make a good father (after he gives up his two-door car, eating out, weekend getaways, gambling jaunts, and coughs up private school tuition), he understands that this is one of those decisions requiring two-party consent.
Anyway, I wish everyone who is pregnant or trying to get pregnant the best of luck. If you ever need someone to remind you how pleasant a child-free life can be, I'm here for you. Oh, and I can babysit too.
4 comments:
Do we get a team jacket?
you shouldn't feel like less of a human / woman just because you don't want to have a kid. it doesn't matter what your reasons are. you and your husband have just as much of a right not to procreate as others who choose to.
something that i find surprising about myself is that i have absolutely no desire to be pregnant. i honestly don't want to go through all of that either. this is very different than i thought i felt when i was younger. it doesn't mean i don't want kids though. i also have a huge problem contributing to the already insanely large world population. there are so many children who deserve better lives than they have currently. at this point, i think that whenever the time comes for us, we'll adopt. and thankfully, this is something we both are fine with.
anyway, don't listen to anything that people say. their opinions are for their own lives, not yours.
Hey lady - I am one of the preggies and I support your decision to NOT have kids - it's not for everyone and it's an awful lot of work! I wish more people felt comfortable standing by their decision to not have kids. I've always known I am meant to be a mom, but it's not for everyone.
I cannot tell you how comforting your works (and Diane's too!) are to me right now.
Team jackets sound like a great idea.
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