I'm self-aware now, or so I'm told

I apologize for not posting lately but it's been a busy couple of weeks. I just completed an intensive (read: exhausting) week-long mediation training course with an assortment of my fellow state employees.

The training was amazing. Obviously I've been through mediation training before (it's somewhat of a prerequisite to training other mediators, I'd think) but this one was completely different.

As a part of the training, the instructor introduced a self-identifying personality test called the Enneagram. Basically you read a series of paragraphs describing each of the nine personality types and then once you've decided which one best fits you, you move on to read all about what things in life cause you comfort or stress, and how you approach problems.

I quickly realized I was a classic type six or the "Loyal Skeptic." Psycho babble aside, this means that I view the world as a dangerous and fearful place. I look for the worst-case scenario and plan accordingly. I am preoccupied with what can go wrong and feel the need to develop contingency plans. I hate surprises. (And believe it or not, I have a Jewish grandmother.)

This outlook is eerily familiar. During one of our exercises, we answered questions from someone of a different personality type so that they might better understand where we were coming from and we might better articulate our own tendencies. I explained how from the moment I wake up in the morning, I'm already thinking about the obstacles I will face that day and playing out several scenarios in my mind for how I will address them.

In fact, I suppose it starts even sooner than when I wake up on the morning because these worst-case scenarios permeate my dreams. A few nights ago I was overly preoccupied with the 2007-2008 season lineup for the Hippodrome Theater. That night, I dreamt that they announced the shows, starting from "An Evening with David Hasselhoff" and things only got worse from there. (The actual Hippodrome schedule came out on Thursday and is a topic for a separate post.)

Similarly, several weeks ago I attended a Bagdaddy purse party where we could design our own bags. I've been waiting anxiously for the bag to arrive and two nights ago, I dreamt that the bag came but it was completely wrong. In my dream I went so far as to seek out my original paperwork, scan it, make copies, and start drafting a letter to the company. (As a side note, my bag arrived yesterday and it's perfect.)

Surprisingly, the realization of my type six personality has been a liberating experience. I've learned how thoroughly exhausting it is to always plan for the worst and spend all my time thinking about what could go wrong.

Also, I've gotten to know my directive tendencies and several of the experiences we did this week helped me practice how to resist my problem-solving mindset and allow others to deal with their own problems. One might think that the fact that my brothers have called me Captain A (short for Captain Asshole) for so many years would have given me some kind of indication that I can be, uh, ahem, bossy, but I guess it was something I needed to figure out for myself.

So rather than bore you all with more talk of myself (although you have to admit that I'm pretty fascinating), I'm curious as to whether anyone else is as enlightened by their Enneagram type as I am. I can't be the only one.